Don't Apologize
by AnotherStupidLamb
Summary: “No.” The one word sealed the deal, his heart was roughly shoved back into his body, where it was left to stay. A big bloody hole in the middle of his being, with an unfixable heart and damaged chasm that would never be repaired.


_**I was listening to a podcast today that sparked my interest. (Kinda long story)**_

_**What if Bella didn't take Edward back?**_

_**Inspired by Imprint, the podcast by the people at , and by the song "Apologize" by One Republic.**_

Edward tried to pass Bella back to Charlie, yet she clung to his chest. He set her on her feet due to Charlie's shouts of outrage, but she stumbled and fell, face first. Edward caught her and scooped her into his protecting arms again.

Just get her up the stairs, he thought. As long as she was in her bed, she was safe.

Edward laid her in her twin sized bed and went out the front door, knowing Charlie would need the conformation that Edward had left. He wouldn't be gone for long however, he would climb back in her window as soon as Charlie was sure he was away.

"Don't you dare come through that door again! You hear me Edward Cullen? You leave and never come back! Do you even know what you did to her?" The question was rhetorical, yet Edward knew exactly what he had done. He knew exactly how she would have felt. If Bella still loved him, then she never got over him. Which meant, she had been hurting as much as he had.

Edward sprung from the front lawn onto the eve. He hadn't done it in nearly six months, yet the action was familiar. He memory never failed. Bella was lying asleep, tucked under the covers. Edward would just wait until she woke up, just wait until he knew what she thinking.

Edward marveled at her undying beauty. She was no average girl. Her beauty surpassed that of all other creatures, and her being was that of utter perfection and brilliance. How had he managed to leave it? How had he managed to just turn away, knowing he wouldn't see her again?

Her silky brown hair, the color of the most perfect Dutch chocolate. Her pale skin, almost translucent, little blue veins showing underneath the exposed surface. Her soft pink lips, the top slightly fuller than the bottom. Edward had memorized this face, it had haunted him for the past six months. It had been all he could see when he closed his eyes, all he could see when he thought about anything.

He had taken to sitting with small rodents in an attic before Bella had come for him. He could sit and not think for any length of time, though it hurt him almost as much _not_ to think about her as it did to think. It hurt make her face leave his mind, yet it ached to see it there, to almost feel her beside him. He could still smell her, still taste her lips on his own.

Yes, he had been hunting Victoria, but he had lost the trail long ago. Not even Victoria however could distract him from the gnawing pain that had been building and building in his heart each day. It was the closest thing to a heart beat he'd felt in more than a hundred years. It was a throbbing pain, pulsating were his heart should have been. All that remand there now was a cold, black hole.

Edward had known full well that he could never have changed the way he felt about Bella. She had altered him beyond retreat. He was hers forever and there was nothing she could do about it.

Bella stirred and turned over so she was facing away from Edward. She hugged a pillow tight to her chest and muttered something incomprehensible. This had been the moment Edward had been waiting for. The moment where she would say his name and profess her love. Edward desperately needed to hear his name breeze over those soft, pink lips.

Edward had seen love in her eyes when she had crashed into him in the courtyard in Italy. She must still love him, or she would not have gone to Volterra.

When Edward had called Bella's house to make sure she was alright, it had hurt, but he had to do it to make sure she was safe. Edward had asked if Charlie was there. He had pretended to be Carlisle and was going to ask how Bella was doing. The child had told him that Charlie was at the funeral. His fears were confirmed. Rosalie had been right, Bella was dead.

The pain he felt when he left Bella was nothing compared to this. This was completely unbearable and Edward fell to the ground sobbing dry, aching, cries of physical and mental pain. He lay there until his body had a new tolerance for the pain, though the pain never did lessen. Edward had gotten to his feet and threw the phone away, he was sick of Rosalie's calls. He knew what he had to do now, he knew where he had to go.

Edward shook his head. Coming quickly back into the present. The pain he had felt was still aching in his chest, yet now it was for a different reason. He had hurt Bella. And hurting Bella, hurt him. Bella lay in her bed, the pillow still held close. She was turned again, facing him now. Edward fell back into his memory while watching Bella.

Edward had arrived in Italy late at night. He had ran through the city and found was he was looking for quickly. The scent of vampires was all around him and he followed it to where it was strongest, a drain pipe. He fell into the pipe and ran through the underground chasm, determination masking the horrible, engulfing pain. Edward had made it to the antechamber, where the Volturi had deceivingly made the rooms out to look modern. This place was anything but a regular business however.

Aro was glad to see him when he came. Over jubilant and excited, a childlike gleam in his ancient eyes. Edward saw past the charade though. Aro knew how to mislead people. He knew how to con them into thinking he was good.

"I need a favor." Edward told Aro.

"Oh, of course." Aro had replied, "Anything for the son of Carlisle. How is my old friend these days? It's been centuries since I've seen him."

"He is well," Edward said simply. Edward knew the power that Aro held. Knew the ability to read his thoughts, every thought that had ever been through his mind, with just the touch of a hand. Edward could hear Aro now. Hear the want in his thoughts, the want to touch his hand now, to see into his mind.

Edward carefully extended a hand as if to shake it. Aro came forward and touched is hand, holding it there. Edward read back everything that Aro took from him. The memories of his childhood, blurred and disfigured from his human life. The memories of Carlisle and Esme when they had been in Chicago. The memories of finding the rest of his Vampire family. The memories of Bella. So many memories, so many thoughts. So little time had occurred between the two of them, so few experiences. Yet she was all Edward could think about, all Edward could feel, all he remembered clearly. She was his life, and always would be.

Would have been, had she not died. Edward thought to himself. Aro heard that too and shook his head in ancient sadness, wisdom and understanding lingering on his pale, translucent skin.

"You wish to die." It was a statement, not a question.

Edward simply nodded, hoping this pain that he felt would leave his body soon. Hoping he could just spend his time in hell, not wishing to be on an earth where there was no Bella.

Edward crossed the room and ran his hand down her warm cheek, feeling the texture of her smooth unblemished skin. How could he have not felt her? There was no shift in the earth when he thought she had died. That should have been the first sign. When she had nearly died before, in the ballet studio, he had felt a great shift in the world. The need to find her now! She hadn't died then, but he felt it, felt it in the pit of his very being. If he didn't get to her now, she would die, and existence would be pointless.

Aro had told Edward to wait for his reply. They would hold a council and to determine whether or not they would heed his plea. Edward sat outside the dark turret of the Volturi's castle tower. He waited on a black leather couch as Giana, the human secretary, tapped noisily on the solid oak of her desk.

…_but his powers are unlike any other I have seen. Caius is foolish to believe me otherwise. He'd be regretful if he knew the ability that Edward had. I wouldn't be surprised if Edward could hear these thoughts now. You can hear me can't you?_ Aro's thoughts were loud and clear to Edward. He would have smiled at the childish inquiry that Aro thought towards him, had he been in any other condition.

Edward was called back into the chamber.

_His face is so sad. It's almost as if he's in pain. Foolish boy, no love is worth this…_

A member was thinking.

Edward tried to tune them out, narrow his listening to just Aro. He heard what was coming before it was said.

"We'd like to offer you a position here, on the guard. We think your power is worthy of the Volturi." Aro had said, rather excitedly.

Edward just shook his head.

"There is no life for me anymore. My soul is dead, lying peaceful in a grave. I'd like for my existence to go quietly with her."

"I'm sorry then, there is nothing we can we do for you. I could never offend Carlisle in such a way as harming any member of his family." Aro said, the sadness back in his childlike voice.

Edward left the castle, a million ways to break vampire law running at top speed through his head. The pain was throbbing at his chest again. She had been gone for so long. Edward thought of turning a car over, maybe even killing. Something to expose him. But Bella had died, there was no point in death anymore. He could not take away anyone who was loved, Bella had been loved by so many people. Edward could make no one go through this pain that he felt.

He decided on the most dramatic solution. Aro was not partial to the idea of killing Edward. So Edward would give him no choice. He would step into the sunlight, on St. Marcus's Day, in the middle of the courtyard. Hundred would see him, shinning like a million diamonds in the sunlight, throwing rainbows off his skin. They would see him for what he was. A hunter.

"…Mmm. I love you." Bella murmured in her sleep. Edward's silent heart swelled with joy and pride. It had been so long since he'd heard her say that. His memory had not done her justice. He voice and beauty was far more perfect and faultless then his memory had lead on.

Edward stepped closer to the sunlight, his shirt was lying in a heap at his side and his arms were at his sides, ready for his fate. He could hear Bella. She was calling his name, her voice was perfect, better than he had ever remembered.

As the final toll of the clock chimed out, he took a step forward and felt her in his arms at last. She was as warm and soft as he had remember, if not more so. She still smelled the same, beautifully, like lilacs and freesias, yet he had no desire for her blood. He had not hunted in weeks, yet he did not feel the burn of thirst while she was in his arms. It was a moment of bliss. So this was dying? This was death? It was perfect. He had his Bella, and that was all that mattered.

"Amazing, Carlisle was right." Edward had murmured. He had not felt a thing, yet he had been expecting a slow and painful death and then a long decent into the depths of hell where his cursed spirit were to be damned for all eternity.

Carlisle had told him that his chosen way of life, his fight to preserve human life against his natural gradient, was a form of redemption. He would be accepted and welcomed in death just as any other person would. Edward hadn't believed him, he had told Carlisle he was foolish to believe that vampires were anything but that, damned. They were creatures of the dark, hunters and predators. Humans were their prey. They drank the blood and cast the bodies aside with little emotion.

Bella had pushed Edward back into the alley way, telling him—well, screaming at him—that he wasn't dead, she wasn't dead and he was right here, still on earth. Everything had happened very quickly from then on. Demetri and Felix, members of the Volturi guard, had captured Edward and Bella and Alice. They took them down to the Volturi castle where Aro offered them all a position on the guard. When everyone, including the still human Bella, had declined Aro had given Edward a time limit in which to change Bella into a vampire, since she knew the secret.

Edward, Alice and Bella had left the room in time for Bella to witness the slaughtering of a group of innocent tourists, where Bella became hysteric and Edward had held her. Yet she was so hesitant. Edward was ecstatic, he had his Bella back and he would never leave again. It had not been the right thing to do, he would have gone back in the end, no matter what.

"Don't go…" Bella whimpered in her sleep. Edward kneeled down beside her bed and stroked her chocolate brown hair.

"I will never leave again, my love." He whispered in her ear.

Bella stirred and sighed deeply. Her eyes peeked open and she struggled to focus.

"Edward?" She asked.

"It's me." He replied.

"What are you doing here?"

"Just, waiting."

There was a pause between the two as Bella sat up and gathered the blankets around herself.

"Bella… I'm sorry." Edward began, not quite sure what else to say.

"You think that changes it?" Her eyes narrowed at him. "You think that changes what you did to me? You think that now it can all go back to the way it was?" Her tone clawed at Edward's heart, it felt like someone was kicking him repeatedly in the stomach. He wished that someone would, wished that someone would make him feel physical pain. He deserved it.

"No, I don't think that." He whispered into the dark room. Edward's head turned to the side, unable to look into her eyes any longer. He looked into her vanity mirror, hanging over the dresser. His hair was a tousled bronze mess, he had dark circles under his eyes like someone had punched him twice. His eyes were as black as night, it had been so long since he had fed. Four weeks? Maybe five. He was hungry and weak, but he would sustain as long as Bella needed him, which he feared was not for long.

"Then what are you doing here Edward." Bella's tone was accusing and stung like ice water.

"Bella, I love you." He told her hopelessly.

She just scoffed.

"Since when? You told me, back in the forest, that you didn't want me anymore. You didn't love me anymore."

Her words were cutting into him like no real knife could, cutting out the place around his dormant heart, a serrated blade, probably rusty too, by the feel of it.

"Bella, I was lying. I needed you to believe I didn't love you, because my being here was keeping you in danger. I couldn't live with myself if you were hurt because of me."

Edward was pleading now. His voice was hopeless, yet there was a sense of urgency. How could she have believed him so easily when he lied, yet when the truth was laid in front of her, she couldn't see it?

She glared up at him, her face set and her nostrils flared.

"Too late."

It was a blow to the gut, and a slap in the face. She said the two words that he feared, feared above all others.

"Bella…" Edward struggled to find words to make her see. But she cut him off.

"You're too late Edward."

Those two words again, Edward didn't think he could bear to hear them again. The spot around his heart was now open, but it felt like Bella had ripped it from its resting place and was now shredding it with her cutting words. Of course he deserved it. He had hurt her this bad. He had hurt them both. It was his entire fault.

"Why did you come to Italy then? If it was too late, I mean." He had to know, there had to be a chance, he just had to find it and worm his way back in there.

"Because, I was the only way you would believe Alice. You wouldn't have come to your senses if she came alone. Alice needed me. What you did would have hurt bother her and Esme beyond repair. I couldn't let _that kind of pain_ hurt my best friend." Her emphasis was apparent. She hated Edward for what he had done to her. Edward hated himself for what he had done to her.

"Bella…" He tried again.

"No." The one word sealed the deal, his heart was roughly shoved back into his body, where it was left to stay. A big bloody hole in the middle of his being, with an unfixable heart and damaged chasm that would never be repaired.

"I can't trust you, Edward Cullen." She said, her eyes never deviating from his own. "I trusted you with the most important thing in the world to me; my heart. You threw it away. There's nothing left for you here." She gestured towards herself.

Edward's mouth was slightly open. If he had been a human, he would have been crying. Dry, aching, heaving sobs of undeniable misery. Then again, if he were human, none of this would have ever happened. He would have died more than a hundred years ago in the small, barbaric hospital in Chicago.

"I love _him,_ Edward. He was there for me when no one else was. He was there to light up my life, to bring back the sun. My life was dark and so depressing when you left. I thought I would never make it through to the next day, yet somehow, I met this boy who turned the whole thing around. Brought me back into the present, back into the light, back into the living. I love him, and I know he loves me too, even though I hurt him, going back after you. He'll understand. He always does." Bella trailed off, looking at her hands.

"There's no hope then? You've moved on? The one thing I wished you to do from the beginning, you did. That's… entirely fair." He was trying to lighten his own uncontrollable sobbing. The internal depression that was occurring all through his body.

"That's it. I had to move on, I had to adapt. I had to live with the fact that I thought you were never coming back, that you didn't love me anymore. I had to move on, I needed to keep my sanity. Jacob was there to pick up the pieces. He put me back together and he stitched me to gently, like the more delicate of Raggedy Anne dolls. I didn't even know I loved him for it until it was too late to turn back." Bella was glaring at her hands which were twining together in her lap.

Edward laughed, a dark and humorless laugh.

"I hate irony."

"I'm not going to say I'm sorry. This wasn't my fault." She whispered gently.

"I'm not expecting you to." He told her. "I'm sorry though, I still am. Even if it does nothing. I'm sorry and regretful that I hurt you."

"Yea, I'm sorry you did that too."

That was it. The beginning of the end. Edward leapt out of her window and ran until he could no longer feel. He wanted to kill Jacob, but knew he couldn't do that to Bella. He had put her through so much already.

He would watch her though, from afar. He would be her guardian angel—again, the irony—and watch over her. Wait on the sidelines until Jacob made a mistake that would mask Edward's. That's when Edward would pounce. He would wait. Wait until the end, whichever came first.

_I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you  
And I need you like a heart needs a beat  
(But that's nothing new)  
Yeah yeah_

I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue  
And you say  
Sorry like an angel, heavens not the thing for you,  
But I'm afraid

It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologizes, it's too late

_Apologize – One Republic_

_**I was listening to Imprint, it a twilight podcast, it's like… really cool. It made me think though, what would happen if Bella hadn't accepted Edward back into her life? This is kind of what I think would have happened. If Bella and Jacob had kissed that day in the car, if Bella hadn't see Alice's car right away. This is what might have happened. Maybe. **_

_**Don't get me wrong though, I'm totally team Edward. Like, to the death team Edward. I was just curious. Which I often am.**_

_**Anyway, review? This is just a one shot btw. But now I'm wondering if it should be more… Hmmm…. Idk. What do you guys think?**_

_**Jamie**_


End file.
